we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
