yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
