Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
