My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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