Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
