um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
