I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
