My nipple is on Facebook.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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