Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
