So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
