We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
