Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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