I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
