I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
