Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
