i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
