I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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