The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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