Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
