Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
