ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
