My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
