I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
