4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
