i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if only i could text you this smell
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
