U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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