he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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