when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Boobs are out for the taking
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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