why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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