pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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