you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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