I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
