remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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