You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's official drugs can't kill me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
