Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
