so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
