his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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