We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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