She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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