There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
