I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
