Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
