Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
did i walk over a car last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
