where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
