What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
