haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
