Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
