Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
