i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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