you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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